Here at the end of all things

I have four days left of student teaching. Four more days until school is finished. I also have four days left at my work, but that is another post. I almost lost my mind back around week five, but I made it and I feel like the whole school experience has taught me a lot, even if most of it wasn't intended. Here is a sample of what the last 18 months has left me with:

1. School food hasn't changed much in the last 25 years.

2. I think the secret of surviving any higher learning is mastering the 4 to 1 principle; for every five pages you need to write four pages of filler for every one page of content. It's kinda like the 90 to 1 principle of prime time game shows.

3. There are curse words in some fourth grade books.

4. Fourth graders don't handle curse words with much maturity

5. You don't have to pay on student loans as long as you are in college. I think 90% of doctors were just people that needed a little more time to come up with their loan money.

6. A human can run on 4 and 1/2 hours of sleep for 12 weeks straight without any adverse affects (except for the invisible talking chairs).

7. Conference calls are a great time to catch up on blogging.

8. For the second time in my life graduating from college has resulted in the loss of a job.

9. The chairs are troubled by the recent economic crisis.

10. There's a lot of money to be made it writing textbooks, not much in teaching. So, teaching someone how to teach is more profitable than teaching someone how to learn. Did I miss something?

Week 9: Teaching the class poetry (Haikus)

Now I teach haiku
Four more weeks then done with school
Have a hamburger.

He has a hairy butt and licks himself too much

My daughter has a cat now. I don't know what I was thinking. It was Christmas time and she kept asking me for one, and in a moment of weakness I gave in and said, "yes." We got her an orange and white tabby kitten from the kill shelter. She named him "Diego." I call him "Cat."

Thing is, the cat has a strange personality. My son is flat out abusive to the cat in a way that any two year old with a cat would be. We knew having a toddler around the cat would be a problem at first, but I figured after a couple of scratches the cat would teach Ethan how to show proper respect to the new house pet. Yet the cat won't touch my son. He can drag him by the tail, push him down the stairs, lay on top of him, you name it and the cat won't so much as hiss at the boy.

My daughter on the other hand adores the cat and is the most gentle thing in the world with it, yet come to me crying with a scratch from the hell beast every other day. Some days she's afraid to walk past it, calling out to her little brother to come scare it from her path. I don't know what kind of intimacy issues this cat has, but it seems to lash out at those that love it and patiently put up with those that mean it harm. Sadly it reminds me of some people that I used to know.

The thing about it that amazes me, though, is how Hannah reacts to this all. She keeps loving the thing. Oh, she has her days where she's asked me if we can give it away and steers clear of it any chance she gets, but nine days out of ten she's pouring affection on her emotionally damaged pet. She hugs it, kisses it, pets it, feeds it, and talks to it. When it hurts her she runs away from it for a bit, but always comes back to it eventually to resume the loving. I think she gets it from her mother.

My daughter isn't dumb or a slow learner, she just has the heart of a child that knows what love is and wants to give it in return, even if it is to something that doesn't deserve it. There is a parable in that.

Shhh!

I'm on a conference call for school. It's one hour every week; the longest hour of every week. I put the call on mute and try to do other things, but I have to keep listening just in case I'm asked a question. Basically, I just sit here and let my mind wander for an hour. I guess I should take it a little easier on my students when they are spacing out while I'm talking.

The things that went through my head during this call:

1. I want a tattoo that says, "your name" so I can tell people I got "your name" tattooed on my arm.

2. I need new jeans. Why do all my jeans end up being the same shade of blue after a few months?

3. I wonder if anyone has ever thought of making a flying submarine because no one would ever think to look in the sky for a submarine.

4. Found something new in Romans today, well not new, just something I missed the last 40 times I read the book.

5. Why won't this call end?

6. Battery died on phone, back up phone does not have mute. Shhhh!

7. I'm going to take a CPR class soon. I wonder if there is a special bag for the dummy. What does it look like to the x-ray technician at the airport when she goes through with it? I mean it has no arms or legs and is in her luggage. You'd probably have to call a supervisor. They may make her buy it a seat once they get it all straightened out, but then the people on the plane might think that she is very lonely and didn't want to fly by herself.

Half way there

I'm about to finish week six of my twelve weeks of student teaching. It's hard to believe that I've been making it this long on almost no sleep and almost no steady income. I'm up at 4:30 to go work a couple hours at my old job to make a few extra bucks and then off to school until 3:30pm. I then see my wife for about an hour for dinner before switching off the kids so she can go to work. It's then a mix of playing with the kids, doing homework, working online for a few more bucks, lifting weights, and getting the kids in bed before going to sleep myself between 10:30 and 11.

The strange thing about it is that I feel great. Oh, I'm so tired that the stuff I say doesn't make much sense half the time (maybe it never did), but all and all things are good. It's just an exhilarating feeling to staying this busy doing something that matters like teaching. I want to die every morning when my alarm goes off, but I get out of bed because I know that I'm accomplishing something each day that has a greater purpose.

Don't get me wrong, I'm counting down to the time when I can go back to a normal schedule and when I will actually get paid to do this, but I'm thankful that this whole thing has been easier than I thought it would be.

It's been awhile

So, I took six months off from blogging. I needed to just be quiet for awhile, I was done wrestling with God about everything and just felt like I had entered the gray area of waiting for what was going to happen next. God seemed like He was being mostly quiet and so, I decided to shut up for awhile too. The whole reason I started blogging was to give myself a place where I could organize my thoughts and allow myself to look back on them later yet I was in a place where I didn't feel like I had anything worth reflecting on. I've no doubt lost those handful of loyal readers that for some reason read this thing every week; to them I say, "sorry." Yet talking to yourself is a good way to begin things anew, I think. Anyways, it's always been my habit to speak with the most intelligent person in the room first.

I guess the biggest thing that's been weighing on me lately is the knowledge that it is about time to enter ministry again. Not necessarily pastoral ministry, I plan to let my license expire this year, but just doing something. I've felt it every Sunday that I've been at church for the last couple months, that feeling that I have a place to fill and I won't be complete until I find it. So, when my student teaching is done in seven weeks, I plan on saying the most dangerous words that anyone can say to their pastor; "Where do you need me?"

Over the years I've came to one sad fact about my life: I have been created to be there for people. The reason why this is sad is because I am very antisocial, introverted, overly critical, sarcastic, suspicious of ulterior motive, and uncompassionate in general. In short, I have a really hard time caring about most people. How was I ever a pastor? It wasn't my doing, trust me. Autumn says maybe I'll get lucky and get placed in a position like usher. She's a sweet girl.

To care about people is to set yourself open to being disappointed, attacked, and/or hurt. But then I remember Jesus, and I think it might be time for me to grow up and get over myself.

Dominion