This will be the Venue's last Sunday.
I watched so many miracles take place in are pre-launch phase of this that I'm sure we were blessed by God. From nowhere we gathered an impossible amount of money to make this work, the core team came together with no effort, and are location just fell into our laps. Every need we had was met, except one.
We never managed to get a healthy number of people signed on to our vision. We gathered a handful of really awesome people, but it stayed at just a handful. We didn't have enough people to offer any kid's church to ages above 5, yet we were trying to reach young families. We never had the volunteers to take over the labor intensive tasks of set up and break down or neighborhood advertising, leaving our pastoral staff overwhelmed with all the tasks to be done in one week see how we all pull 40+ hours a week in our regular jobs. Our weekly offerings were way more than I could believe, but still it just met our obligations with nothing left forcing us to dive into savings for any outreach or advertising.
All of that wouldn't have matter though if we were doing what we set out to do, reach the last with the gospel. The purpose of this church was to reach the lost and provide them a place to connect that would feel like family, but in order to do that we needed more than just our pastoral team. We weren't doing this, so the question was why are we doing this? We decided to give God time to work and wait to see while we continued with outreach and advertising, but after the better part of a year nothing has changed.
I don't feel like I've really heard from God on this for ages. If He wants this saved we'll listening. The truth is, I've known a lot better pastors than me who have had failed church plants. I think sometimes God sends us through things just to train us for things He's going to do later on down the road. I think that sucks, but I'm open to it.
It's strange to put down something that's been the center of your life for the last 6 years, but it is also freeing. For the first time since I became a follower of Jesus I have no idea what I'm suppose to do, oddly it feels freeing. So, now what? I'm going to take a three to six month break from ministry, maybe a little longer. I'm going to go to church with my friends and just spend my time listening. When God is ready to call me back up I'll answer, but for now it's time to live again.
I guess I'm going to change the title of the blog soon. I'm not sure if I'm going to keep writing or not, I guess we'll see how it goes.
"Is it you now, to watch the things you've gave your life to broken, stoop and build them up with with worn out tools?" - Kipling (sort of)
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
My daughter dragged her dead grandma up the stairs today
My kids hung out with Autumn's parents last night. The kids were asleep when they got home, so I carried them up to bed and left the bag of things they brought from the grandparents by the steps downstairs.
This morning Hannah woke me up to tell me that grandpa gave me a present last night and she wanted to go get it. Being half asleep still I replied with a mumbled, "Sure, pumpkin."
The next thing I remember is hearing thumping coming up the stairs and my daughter making grunts. By time I came around Hannah was back at my bedside and had thrown something heavy in my lap.
Yep, it was Autumn's dead mom.
Apparently my father-in law and his wife were cleaning out their house and thought that the kids should have the ashes of their mother, so he sent them home with my daughter. I'm just glad the urn didn't break when she was dragging it up the stairs. Cleaning that up before Autumn woke up would've been a little more than I'd had in mind for my Saturday morning.
This morning Hannah woke me up to tell me that grandpa gave me a present last night and she wanted to go get it. Being half asleep still I replied with a mumbled, "Sure, pumpkin."
The next thing I remember is hearing thumping coming up the stairs and my daughter making grunts. By time I came around Hannah was back at my bedside and had thrown something heavy in my lap.
Yep, it was Autumn's dead mom.
Apparently my father-in law and his wife were cleaning out their house and thought that the kids should have the ashes of their mother, so he sent them home with my daughter. I'm just glad the urn didn't break when she was dragging it up the stairs. Cleaning that up before Autumn woke up would've been a little more than I'd had in mind for my Saturday morning.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Oh yeah, about the apathy
This Sunday marks one year since we started our preview services for The Venue. I remember all the emotions running through me back then, excitement, fear, relief, anger, happiness, frustration, etc. I never thought anyone could feel so much at once. I felt like a baseball player having mood swings from too many roids. It was scary, but we did it and here we are a year later.
Here I am twelve months later and it's just the opposite, as I said before, I don't feel anything. Well, not completely, I mean I still feel love for my family and I still laugh and have a good time when I'm around the people I like. It's just I don't feel excited about anything or inspired by anything (although I did get excited about a plate of chicken fingers I had ordered about a week ago, but alas, they weren't that good).
They told me that this would happen sometimes when you plant a church, but they also told me as the leader that I had to keep myself pumped up even when I didn't feel like it or else it would carry over to the rest of the church. Maybe there is wisdom in that, but it just seems kinda fake to me. I see all these churches where the pastor is always talking about how next week is going to be the best Sunday yet and how stoked they are about ministry and I'm thinking to myself, "Really, always?"
I'm not depressed and I don't feel pessimistic, I'm just kinda numb. It's like, "Okay God, here I am. Now what?" I want to feel moved and inspired again, but I don't want it to be faked or forced just because I'm afraid people will walk away if they saw what was really going on behind the curtain. I want to feel the presence of God again and have that fear that I'm in over my head yet love every moment of it. I want to enjoy this.
I guess it all comes down to the fact that as far back as I can remember I've hated standing still, I've hated waiting, and I've hated not being told what's coming next. The thing is sometimes that's what God wants us to do. I don't like it, but there have been a lot of times in my life where it felt like God just stopped talking and it's always when I needed to hear from Him the most. It might be that He doesn't really care in the way we think He should or maybe it's just that like any parent He knows when it's time to take off the training wheels and let you balance yourself even if it's at the risk of some scraped knees.
The really strange thing to me is that despite all of these feelings, or lack of rather, I feel more self stable and calm than I have in months. The nice thing about not feeling much of anything is that you don't really feel stress either.
Sooner or later I'm sure I'll have one of those awe inspiring moments of divine clarity, but until then I think I'll just write my sermons, go to work, and hang out with the people I like. The great things in life are just like the most awful, they have always hit me when I wasn't looking.
Oh and did I mention how I'm so stoked because next Sunday is going to be the best one yet?
Here I am twelve months later and it's just the opposite, as I said before, I don't feel anything. Well, not completely, I mean I still feel love for my family and I still laugh and have a good time when I'm around the people I like. It's just I don't feel excited about anything or inspired by anything (although I did get excited about a plate of chicken fingers I had ordered about a week ago, but alas, they weren't that good).
They told me that this would happen sometimes when you plant a church, but they also told me as the leader that I had to keep myself pumped up even when I didn't feel like it or else it would carry over to the rest of the church. Maybe there is wisdom in that, but it just seems kinda fake to me. I see all these churches where the pastor is always talking about how next week is going to be the best Sunday yet and how stoked they are about ministry and I'm thinking to myself, "Really, always?"
I'm not depressed and I don't feel pessimistic, I'm just kinda numb. It's like, "Okay God, here I am. Now what?" I want to feel moved and inspired again, but I don't want it to be faked or forced just because I'm afraid people will walk away if they saw what was really going on behind the curtain. I want to feel the presence of God again and have that fear that I'm in over my head yet love every moment of it. I want to enjoy this.
I guess it all comes down to the fact that as far back as I can remember I've hated standing still, I've hated waiting, and I've hated not being told what's coming next. The thing is sometimes that's what God wants us to do. I don't like it, but there have been a lot of times in my life where it felt like God just stopped talking and it's always when I needed to hear from Him the most. It might be that He doesn't really care in the way we think He should or maybe it's just that like any parent He knows when it's time to take off the training wheels and let you balance yourself even if it's at the risk of some scraped knees.
The really strange thing to me is that despite all of these feelings, or lack of rather, I feel more self stable and calm than I have in months. The nice thing about not feeling much of anything is that you don't really feel stress either.
Sooner or later I'm sure I'll have one of those awe inspiring moments of divine clarity, but until then I think I'll just write my sermons, go to work, and hang out with the people I like. The great things in life are just like the most awful, they have always hit me when I wasn't looking.
Oh and did I mention how I'm so stoked because next Sunday is going to be the best one yet?
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Spiderman 3 (spoilers)
Me and Tyson watched Spiderman 3 last night. We weren't expecting it to be anything great, but we thought it would at least be a fun flick for a Friday night at home. Oh, we were so wrong. This has been the worst movie I've seen since I couldn't find the remote and ended up watching the Lifetime channel. I swear they must of called Warner Bros. and asked how they ran the first Batman franchise into the ground and took notes. Here are some of my thoughts:
1. There were like eighty super villains. They tried to throw every bad guy they could think of into this movie which left them about 3 minutes of screen time to develop each one's origin and back story and still ended up making a movie that felt five hours long. The alien symbiote (sp?) fell from a meteor next to Peter and Mary Jane making out, went home with peter, and promptly disappeared for the next three hours.
2. The Sandman was created by falling into a molecular particle accelerator that was set up outside in the middle of of forest guarded only by a chain link fence and miraculously being used at 12:30 at night, you know the time all molecular physicists do their best work. Oh, and by the way, it turns out the Sandman was the one who kills Peter's Uncle and not the guy he didn't stop in the first movie, thus making the whole reason Parker became Spiderman a big misunderstanding.
3. Let's talk about Venom for a moment now. The villain everybody wanted to see was played by Topher Grace the only man in Hollywood built more like a girl than Tobey Macguire. This is like the third movie I've seen this guy in and it's the third movie he's revised his role of Eric Forman from That 70's Show. It's just what this movie needed a Venom that looked like a twelve year old girl might defeat him.
4. They continued the tradition of taking off Spiderman's mask evey chance they could so we could see Macguire's face, you know because he's a big time actor and needs his face time. The movie's called Tobeyman right? There's a reason why superheros wear masks and it kinda makes the whole idea of wearing them silly when you take it off in broad daylight in the middle of the city every chance you get.
5. For some reason the Black Spiderman outfit turns people into a dancing goth. Yes, he danced around New York for about twenty minutes of this movie. Yes, he did have to dress up like a 10th grader with social issues during those twenty minutes.
6. That's okay though, because apparently getting hit on the head makes you into a smiley dork who likes to cook and paint, as we see in the case of Osborne. I thought I was watching Joel Olsteen. I forgive him though because I felt sorry for him after his butler decided to tell him Spiderman didn't actually kill his father. This is information that he probably could have used before he spent years of his life trying to kill his best friend while nearly getting himself killed and ending up horribly disfigured.
There's a lot more, but I need to stop thinking about this movie now. Once again Hollywood thinks they can have a sure thing with a superhero movie and decide to throw any crap at us because they know we'll watch it no matter how lame and poorly done it is. They are right.
1. There were like eighty super villains. They tried to throw every bad guy they could think of into this movie which left them about 3 minutes of screen time to develop each one's origin and back story and still ended up making a movie that felt five hours long. The alien symbiote (sp?) fell from a meteor next to Peter and Mary Jane making out, went home with peter, and promptly disappeared for the next three hours.
2. The Sandman was created by falling into a molecular particle accelerator that was set up outside in the middle of of forest guarded only by a chain link fence and miraculously being used at 12:30 at night, you know the time all molecular physicists do their best work. Oh, and by the way, it turns out the Sandman was the one who kills Peter's Uncle and not the guy he didn't stop in the first movie, thus making the whole reason Parker became Spiderman a big misunderstanding.
3. Let's talk about Venom for a moment now. The villain everybody wanted to see was played by Topher Grace the only man in Hollywood built more like a girl than Tobey Macguire. This is like the third movie I've seen this guy in and it's the third movie he's revised his role of Eric Forman from That 70's Show. It's just what this movie needed a Venom that looked like a twelve year old girl might defeat him.
4. They continued the tradition of taking off Spiderman's mask evey chance they could so we could see Macguire's face, you know because he's a big time actor and needs his face time. The movie's called Tobeyman right? There's a reason why superheros wear masks and it kinda makes the whole idea of wearing them silly when you take it off in broad daylight in the middle of the city every chance you get.
5. For some reason the Black Spiderman outfit turns people into a dancing goth. Yes, he danced around New York for about twenty minutes of this movie. Yes, he did have to dress up like a 10th grader with social issues during those twenty minutes.
6. That's okay though, because apparently getting hit on the head makes you into a smiley dork who likes to cook and paint, as we see in the case of Osborne. I thought I was watching Joel Olsteen. I forgive him though because I felt sorry for him after his butler decided to tell him Spiderman didn't actually kill his father. This is information that he probably could have used before he spent years of his life trying to kill his best friend while nearly getting himself killed and ending up horribly disfigured.
There's a lot more, but I need to stop thinking about this movie now. Once again Hollywood thinks they can have a sure thing with a superhero movie and decide to throw any crap at us because they know we'll watch it no matter how lame and poorly done it is. They are right.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Cool little quote (well, maybe not little)
“Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don’t let what’s wrong with you keep you from worshiping what’s right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze new trails. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don’t try to be who you’re not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away. Chase the lion.“ - Mark Batterson
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
2008
I don't believe in New Year Resolutions, I think they are for losers that want to change things about themselves that they never will. So I vow never to do them.
Here is my list of things I simply plan to do in the new year:
1. Lose 10 pounds - This would take me back down to my ideal weight. Not much to lose, but I really like eating.
2. Get school done - If I keep up this pace I'll be ready to student teach next January.
3. Read more - I need to start trying to find some good books to read, this year I mainly just reread old ones.
4. Updates - I need to update just about everything my blog, my myspace, the church website, etc.
5. Projects - I have about 20 things to do around the house. If I get to 2 by October I'll feel good about myself.
Here is my list of things I simply plan to do in the new year:
1. Lose 10 pounds - This would take me back down to my ideal weight. Not much to lose, but I really like eating.
2. Get school done - If I keep up this pace I'll be ready to student teach next January.
3. Read more - I need to start trying to find some good books to read, this year I mainly just reread old ones.
4. Updates - I need to update just about everything my blog, my myspace, the church website, etc.
5. Projects - I have about 20 things to do around the house. If I get to 2 by October I'll feel good about myself.
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