Going Through My Mind

1. Why is no one paying me for my good looks right now?

2. I really need to get my Sunday message done soon.

3. My kids are really cute.

4. Why don't my kids look like me?

5. I need to finish that paper I started two days ago.

6. I hope the new church signs come out okay.

7. Why do I always want to fix things that I don't know how to fix?

8. I'm hungry.

9. Why don't the Chiefs like to win football games?

10. My friends are going to have a baby (Tyson and Bekah not Mike and Doug).

11. Would it be so bad if God told me what was going on sometimes?

12. Where did I leave my soda?

Wish I Knew How to Quit You

Complicated Question (At Least I Made It That Way)

So, a couple weeks ago Linda hit me with the question, "What would Jesus say to you?" I said I'd eventually get around to answering it, but to be completely truthful, I don't know.

Honestly, it's a dangerous question. There is a temptation to say what you would like to believe Jesus would say and not what He really would. If you perceive yourself as doing what He wants or on the edge of His will you might answer something like, "Well done, good and faithful servant." If you see yourself as unworthy or falling short you may answer to the effect of, "Repent and return to your first love." The anxious might say, "My peace I give to you." The lonely, "I will never leave you or forsake you." You get the idea.

Maybe this isn't always a bad thing though. Doesn't the way we respond to people change at times due to the mood they are in? Don't we say comforting things to our loved ones when they are depressed? Aren't we more likely to laugh with someone who is happy? Maybe people think they hear certain things from God at times because those are the things they need to hear right then and if those are the things they need to hear wouldn't that be what God would say?

The danger comes when a person tells themselves things that God wouldn't say. A prideful person may believe that God would justify their pride. A self loathing person may think God would have only negative to say to them.

It all comes down to the question we all face when we believe we've heard from God, "Was that God or just me?" The answer might sometimes be both.

So, I've managed to ramble on for a full page without answering the question. As I said before, I don't know, but if I had to take a guess right now I'd say it would probably be something like, "Do you love me more than these?"

It might be time to feed the sheep.

Sick

So, its what I get for talking about how I hardly ever get sick, but last night Hannah and I came down with what the rest of the family had been suffering through. I got about three hours total sleep last night and now that I finally feel like I'm getting over it, I feel a little feverish. I'm scared I'm coming down with what Bekah had now.

Thank God that it was Bekah's turn to preach today, I would have tried to get my way through it if I had too, but I don't know how it would've turned out. I all most didn't go to church at all today, but the Sundays that I'm off are the only times I really get to just sit a listen to a message, so that combined with the fact I didn't want to leave everyone one man short on the whole set up break down thing got me in the door today.

I'm going to lay around and do nothing the rest of the day, in hopes that I feel better by work tomorrow. Why is it I never get sick on a fun day to do nothing, like Wednesday?

Mike Came Out

Okay, here it is. Mike Gomez, our friend who prides himself on his taste in music and entertainment, is taking his girlfriend to see Donny Osmond. Nuff said.

Sick, Sick, Sick

Everyone around me is getting sick! It started with Bekah getting a cold earlier this week. Then, Ethan started getting a fever and have insane bouts of diarrhea (I think it has to do with him cutting two teeth). Yesterday, Bekah started feeling a little warm and it eventually turned into a fever. Last, night Autumn came home and spent a good amount of the night puking her brains out.

I was wrestling with the idea of staying home today, but I'd already missed a bit of work this week (dental appointment and taking Autumn to get some lab work), so I decided to go ahead and go. When I got to Bekah's it was no surprise to me that she had decided to stay home today, I was actually impressed she made it through yesterday with as bad as she felt. When she asked me if Autumn would be home in case she needed the car to go to the doctor, I suddenly got picture in my mind of my son, my wife, and my friend all sick in the car together trying to get to the doctor's office, it was slightly amusing.

I decided that I should stay home. This way Bekah has her car if she needs it, I can take care of the kids for Autumn while she sleeps and if any of the three of them get really bad there will be one healthy person around to take them somewhere. Plus, I get some time to work on classwork.

For some strange reason, I barely ever get sick even when I'm around people who are all the time. I think it has something to do with being raised in such a horrible environment as a kid. My immune system got an extra boost in my early years. Either way, if I do happen to pick up something up, it'll be fine with me. I have over a week of paid time off and sleeping in doesn't sound all that bad.

In other news, I might do a second post today. I have some great news about Mike, but my kids need tending to at the moment.

A Father's Advice (Part Two)

Ethan,

I have more bad news. One day some girl will break your heart. I'd like to tell you it might not happen to you, or that if you did everything right you could prevent it. The truth is, I don't think I know a single person who has made it to their mid twenties unscathed. It's just one of those things that is part of life, like old age or paper cuts.

It happened to me when I was eighteen. It feels like you can't breathe, like a major part of you is suddenly missing. It's an ache that you can't place, one that leaves you feeling awkward inside. It's something like paranoia mingled with depression. You want to just sleep, but you can't. You want to think about something else, but you can't. Every day things like eating, getting dressed, or talking become chores. You forget how to laugh. Most of all it feels like the world will never be right again. Something to look forward to, right?

The only way I know how to prevent it is to love absolutely nothing except yourself. C. S. Lewis said that to love anything is to be venerable and the only way to protect your heart from being broken is to bury it in the coffin of your selfishness. Sadly, this is what many people who have their hearts broken choose to do. They may continue to date and eventually marry, but they will never allow themselves to love anyone fully again because they fear the pain.

To be honest I don't want to spare you the pain of heartbreak, because to feel it you must have truly loved someone. What I wish for you is that when heartbreak does occur you take the time to let your heart mend and then use the experience as a reference point for the next time you find yourself falling for someone.

I don't know much more about women other than they smell good and somehow they manage to make men act like idiots, but I do know that there are two types. There are the women that are worth having your heart broken for and there are the ones that are not. If you find yourself with a woman who is not, get away from her for it'll be no great loss. If you find yourself with a women who is worth the risk of feeling all that pain again, then love her with the recklessness with which God loves you. It is no guarantee that she won't break your heart again, but take courage in the fact that there is a word for those who never feel pain. Dead.

A Father's Advice (Part One)

It was a really good concert tonight. I don't know what it is about going to shows, but I seem to always find myself staying up and thinking about things afterwards.

Bekah's mom tagged me with a very good question about what Jesus would say to me and I plan on answering it in one of my next few posts, but it got me thinking about something else. I was thinking about what advice a father would give to his son and that started making me think about what advice I'd leave for mine. So, sitting here in front of my computer in the dark with the echo of the amplifiers still ringing in my head I started reflecting on all the things about being a man I had to learn the hard way, the things I wish I would have had a father to teach me. I realized that this would take more than one post, but why not start with one tonight?

So here it is. My advice to my son part one:

Ethan,

There will come many times in your life where you will be called on to stand against someone or something bigger and stronger than yourself. It may be to defend yourself, to defend someone you care about, or to defend what is right. When these times occur you will always find yourself facing two choices. You can run and hide, or you can stand and fight. The first option will be the most tempting for they are the easiest, not easy mind you, just the easiest. The reason for this is that the second option holds the definite possibility that you may lose and losing a fight is painful, both physically as well as emotionally. The first option is safe, the second is down right dangerous.

Listen to me carefully Ethan, choose the second. You don't have to win, but you do need to fight. Fight and if you lose pick yourself up and get ready to fight again the next day, and the next, and the next. Don't run and don't hide, your problems will only increase and you will be less ready to handle them the next time they show up. No one wants to mess with someone who is willing to fight them everyday if they have to. Remember, a dog can take a skunk in a fight, but it's just not worth it.

Excuse my language, but the problem with many people is that the are afraid of getting their asses kicked. Maybe they've gotten beat down once before and decided that they'd rather run and hide than go through that ever again (And don't think I'm talking only about physical fights). As bad as losing seems though, running is always worse. I spent the first half of my life running from my problems and the second half standing up to them, getting beat down, and getting back up. I prefer the latter by far.

Ethan, there will be times when locking yourself away in a dark corner of your room and hiding from everything that wants to hurt you will be tempting. Don't give in. As hard as it will be to believe sometimes, the world needs you and as much as your pride will deny it at times, you need the world as well.

In short, do your best to fear God alone, the rest will work itself out.

Like Brand New

Tomorrow I head off to see Brand New for the second time this year. This time they are playing with Thrice, so it should be a pretty great show. I saw them last April with the Manchester Orchestra, it was a really fun night.

As for tonight, I plan on indulging in some wholesome goodness I like to call The Office.

There's Crack in the Coffee!

I've gone over a week now with very little soda. Anyone who knows me knows that I can put away Pepsi like it's nobody's business, but things were getting a little out of hand so I decided to take a partial fast from soda for a little while. I've cut back to 16oz a day Friday through Sunday and none on the rest of the week. After a few more weeks I plan to move up to one can a day and stay there for a good while.

Anyway, today I decided I needed a little caffeine to get me going so I got a grande latte from Starbucks. As I said before I drink a lot of soda, so I can put the caffeine away like no one else, but there is something about Starbucks that is too much even for me. I think they put enough caffeine in those things to momentary wake the dead. Add this to the fact that I've been working off very little caffeine for the last week and a half and you have one jittery man on your hands.
I thought I was going to go nuts staying in my seat all day. My mind kept switching train of thoughts on me and I felt like I was talking slightly fast.

It's ten hours later and I'm starting to come down. Maybe I'll opt for decaf next time.

A Year?

It's now been one year since the church planning meeting started. It's strange to think about everything that has happened in the last twelve months, where we were then and where we are now. I swear it doesn't feel like it's been a year yet.

I recently went back and read my old blogs from the last year. If nothing else I think blogging has been good for me in the way it gives me a record to look back and see where I've been and the things that were going through my head at peculiar points in the past. I have a habit of forgetting what God has done and what He has given me, writing these random thoughts down looks like it might prove to be a good tool to fix this (at least a little). I guess a journal would serve the same purpose, but blogging is a little more manly.

I've been slacking off a bit on the whole thing, but I'm going to try to become a little more regular. I think it's good for me even if it might be for my readers.