We talk a lot about forgiveness in the church, but it's easy to preach of it and listen about it and not truly grasp what it is to be forgiven. I don't think you can fully understand the worth of forgiveness until you find yourself looking into the darkness of your own heart, realizing how unworthy you are of receiving anything other than the consequences of your own selfish actions and coming to terms with the fact that the only thing that can save you from sinking forever into the black mire that is made of your own mistakes is the undeserved mercy and grace given by the one you've betrayed.
It is then that you can begin to understand what it means to stare at discarded stones and hear the words, "Go and sin no more." It is then that you begin to feel what Peter must have felt over a breakfast of fish one spring morning with a man that he denied ever knowing. It is then that you begin to perceive what it means to be one of ten brothers standing before Joseph, David in front of the altar, a tax collector coming down from a tree, or a condemned thief asking to be remembered. It is only then that you can fully appreciate the truth in the words The Master uttered when He said, "He who has been forgiven much loves much."
Those who are strong enough to forgive as well as those who are weak enough to know that they need to be forgiven understand the cost and value of grace and mercy that will never be known to the proud and the self-righteous.
The question that comes next and the one that has been the question of the church to the world for the last two thousand years is, "Will you accept it?"
Friday, August 31, 2007
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Yo Mama
For those of you who haven't noticed, I've added a new link to a blog called Faintnot's Frenzy. This is Bekah's mom's blog. She is part of a really effective street ministry here in Vegas and she just began blogging not that long ago. Go check here out and show her a little love.
In honor of her blog I feel another list is in order, so here are the ten things I like about Bekah's mom (in no particular order):
1. She spends every Friday feeding the homeless, both physically as well as spiritually. I think a lot of us "doing church" have forgotten the First Council of Jerusalem's urging to Paul not to forget the poor, myself included.
2. She can burp a baby just by looking at it the right way.
3. She's always looks very happy whenever I see her and I don't remember her ever cussing me out.
4. She's not an arsonist.
5. She gave birth to and raised one of the coolest people I know. Oh, and Bekah too!
6. She prayed for my son after she watched how I make his bottles.
7. Her dog hugged me once.
8. She's been through some hard trials in her life that would have shaken the faith of many, yet came through stronger for it.
9. She introduced Bekah to the guitar. Our worship team is indebted to her for that act, it wouldn't be the same having a kazoo led service.
10. She actually reads my blog on a regular basis. Let's face it, anyone who listens to my ramblings and comes back for more can't be that bad of a person.
In honor of her blog I feel another list is in order, so here are the ten things I like about Bekah's mom (in no particular order):
1. She spends every Friday feeding the homeless, both physically as well as spiritually. I think a lot of us "doing church" have forgotten the First Council of Jerusalem's urging to Paul not to forget the poor, myself included.
2. She can burp a baby just by looking at it the right way.
3. She's always looks very happy whenever I see her and I don't remember her ever cussing me out.
4. She's not an arsonist.
5. She gave birth to and raised one of the coolest people I know. Oh, and Bekah too!
6. She prayed for my son after she watched how I make his bottles.
7. Her dog hugged me once.
8. She's been through some hard trials in her life that would have shaken the faith of many, yet came through stronger for it.
9. She introduced Bekah to the guitar. Our worship team is indebted to her for that act, it wouldn't be the same having a kazoo led service.
10. She actually reads my blog on a regular basis. Let's face it, anyone who listens to my ramblings and comes back for more can't be that bad of a person.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
But It's So Big
Things that you are sure to find at Wal-Mart:
1. A bin the size of a VW Bug full of $3.99 movies that doesn't contain a single DVD that you'd pay a dollar for.
2. Someone wearing pajamas.
3. That the ratio of children to adults in the store is never below 3/1.
4. An old man at the door who will take eight minutes checking that your receipt matches the tube of toothpaste you just bought, while six people carrying major electronics slip out the door behind him.
5. That the items in the jewelry department look suspiciously similar to the things in fifty cent vending machines that you passed on the way in.
6. Bathrooms that make a port-a-potty look like a five star hotel.
7. One guy wondering if saving a couple bucks is really worth all this.
1. A bin the size of a VW Bug full of $3.99 movies that doesn't contain a single DVD that you'd pay a dollar for.
2. Someone wearing pajamas.
3. That the ratio of children to adults in the store is never below 3/1.
4. An old man at the door who will take eight minutes checking that your receipt matches the tube of toothpaste you just bought, while six people carrying major electronics slip out the door behind him.
5. That the items in the jewelry department look suspiciously similar to the things in fifty cent vending machines that you passed on the way in.
6. Bathrooms that make a port-a-potty look like a five star hotel.
7. One guy wondering if saving a couple bucks is really worth all this.
Monday, August 13, 2007
On Not Working
I spent the whole day at work today trying to fix problems that just couldn't be fixed. They were the things I worked with all last week, things that are waiting for a doctor or an insurance to approve or for someone to pay. These are things I can't do anything with but keep checking on while waiting for someone else to handle the problem.
This doesn't make for fun days at work. I like to feel like I've accomplished something at the end of the day. I want to feel like I've made a difference by being there. I don't like the idea of walking away after nine hours with next to nothing to show for it.
It's the same way with things in life. I want to fix every problem I come across when I come across it. I want to be able to tell people what to do to make the church grow and see it happen the next Sunday. I want to be able to say the words that help people with what they are going through and have their lives' be better the next day. I want life to be like the sitcom problems that are solved in 30 minutes.
That's not how life works, though. Most of the time you just have to do everything you can do and then wait for the one with the ability to fix things to work. This means I have to be okay with just being there sometimes, even when I don't feel like I'm doing anything productive. I don't always like it, but when the problems finally do get fixed, it's awesome to have been there waiting for it.
This doesn't make for fun days at work. I like to feel like I've accomplished something at the end of the day. I want to feel like I've made a difference by being there. I don't like the idea of walking away after nine hours with next to nothing to show for it.
It's the same way with things in life. I want to fix every problem I come across when I come across it. I want to be able to tell people what to do to make the church grow and see it happen the next Sunday. I want to be able to say the words that help people with what they are going through and have their lives' be better the next day. I want life to be like the sitcom problems that are solved in 30 minutes.
That's not how life works, though. Most of the time you just have to do everything you can do and then wait for the one with the ability to fix things to work. This means I have to be okay with just being there sometimes, even when I don't feel like I'm doing anything productive. I don't always like it, but when the problems finally do get fixed, it's awesome to have been there waiting for it.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Food With Paper In It
I had Panda Express for diner tonight. One of the things I like about eating Chinese is the fortune cookie at the end. When I first became a Christian I would never read them because I thought that would be like practicing witchcraft, but now I just enjoy them for the oddity that they are. Most of them could hardly be considered "fortunes" they are more like happy wishes. I usually get ones that say things like, "You have a charming personality," or "You will enjoy the company of a seldom seen friend," or even "Saving your money is wise." It's kinda a let down when you think about it.
Here are some fortunes I would like to see in some cookies (but maybe not my own):
1. You will be attacked by wild otters soon.
2. Somewhere people are laughing at you right now.
3. Your mother will marry a one eyed stranger with a limp.
4. Beware of the cob salad.
5. I see cotton in your near future.
6. It's not just a rash.
7. She's lying to you.
8. Walking backwards will bring you great riches.
9. Try again later.
10. You look fat in those pants.
11. That wasn't pork.
12. Leave your wallet on the table and walk out slowly.
13. You are about to forget something important.
14. It's not just you.
15. Death waits in the parking lot.
Here are some fortunes I would like to see in some cookies (but maybe not my own):
1. You will be attacked by wild otters soon.
2. Somewhere people are laughing at you right now.
3. Your mother will marry a one eyed stranger with a limp.
4. Beware of the cob salad.
5. I see cotton in your near future.
6. It's not just a rash.
7. She's lying to you.
8. Walking backwards will bring you great riches.
9. Try again later.
10. You look fat in those pants.
11. That wasn't pork.
12. Leave your wallet on the table and walk out slowly.
13. You are about to forget something important.
14. It's not just you.
15. Death waits in the parking lot.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
29
Today I turned 29. As birthdays go this has been a nice one. Autumn made me breakfast this morning, Bekah decorated my desk and took me to lunch, Saturday we'll probably get together with all my friends for dinner. Not a bad way to come into the last year of my twenties.
My birthdays used to be strange for me since I found out that I was adopted. I used to find myself wondering if there were people out there who thought about me on this day and would say something like, "You know, Shaun turned this old today." I guess I was just wondering if they remembered or cared.
Today I didn't find myself thinking about that. I have found my own family, put together of people that I would never have expected to play the large roles in my life that they have when I first met any of them. It's funny how the people that you'd never expect can become so important, while those who are supposed to be there aren't. I wouldn't trade them for anyone. Blood might be thicker than water, but life is more than either.
God is busy restoring those things that have been lost, even when we can't see the sense or reason in our day to day lives.
In other news, this months makes for 13 years of me following Jesus (and by following I mean going all over the place while periodically catching up with). The last 13 years have been a strange journey and I expect the next will be even stranger, but I wouldn't change it for anything. In a lot of ways I feel like I'm back at the beginning, knowing so little about God, but trying to trust Him so much. It's odd how much of life feels like a circle.
My birthdays used to be strange for me since I found out that I was adopted. I used to find myself wondering if there were people out there who thought about me on this day and would say something like, "You know, Shaun turned this old today." I guess I was just wondering if they remembered or cared.
Today I didn't find myself thinking about that. I have found my own family, put together of people that I would never have expected to play the large roles in my life that they have when I first met any of them. It's funny how the people that you'd never expect can become so important, while those who are supposed to be there aren't. I wouldn't trade them for anyone. Blood might be thicker than water, but life is more than either.
God is busy restoring those things that have been lost, even when we can't see the sense or reason in our day to day lives.
In other news, this months makes for 13 years of me following Jesus (and by following I mean going all over the place while periodically catching up with). The last 13 years have been a strange journey and I expect the next will be even stranger, but I wouldn't change it for anything. In a lot of ways I feel like I'm back at the beginning, knowing so little about God, but trying to trust Him so much. It's odd how much of life feels like a circle.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Nothing Left to Prove
I've been without Internet for awhile due to the whole moving into a new house thing. Things have been really crazy lately with all the new changes in my life, but I am really happy where I am for now.
I have a confession though. The one thing in my life that bothers me right now is the whole lead pastor thing. I don't like preaching. If I was being totally honest, I haven't been excited about preaching in well over a year, even before the church plant. It worried me at first, but I thought that when we started the church my passion for it would return and it never did. I'm not supposed to feel this way, right?
I used to love doing it, but really I think the real reason why I loved it was that I loved proving to people that God could use me. My whole Christian life has been people telling me what I can't do and God using me anyway. They told me I would never make it as a youth leader, never make it through college, never make it as a pastor, never plant a church and yet by the grace of God I've done all these things, even if not so well. Ever time I pulled through on something that people thought I'd fail at I felt like I proved that God was with me no matter what people thought about me. I think I was really trying to prove to myself that God was with me no matter what I thought about myself. I guess in the end it all came down to pride.
So here I am feeling like I have nothing left to prove. I have finally came to the realization that no matter who you are or how messed up your life is, God can still use you. Thus, why I am I so surprised that God has used me? As for other people, I don't no why I should care what they think anyway, the people that really matter in my life are going to be there if I fail or succeed, the rest can think about me what they wish.
The problem is that I don't feel like a very good lead pastor now. I don't like preaching, I'm not much of a people person, and I don't have much available time for church things through out the week. I feel like I need more time to straighten everything out, like I'm too young and not experienced enough. Yet, here I am running a church that God placed me over despite myself.
That's the thing that gets me, no matter how much of a mess I might be, it doesn't seem to worry God that much. I don't know if I should be a pastor or not, yet I know God has placed me here for now. So if you'll excuse me, I have a message to write.
I have a confession though. The one thing in my life that bothers me right now is the whole lead pastor thing. I don't like preaching. If I was being totally honest, I haven't been excited about preaching in well over a year, even before the church plant. It worried me at first, but I thought that when we started the church my passion for it would return and it never did. I'm not supposed to feel this way, right?
I used to love doing it, but really I think the real reason why I loved it was that I loved proving to people that God could use me. My whole Christian life has been people telling me what I can't do and God using me anyway. They told me I would never make it as a youth leader, never make it through college, never make it as a pastor, never plant a church and yet by the grace of God I've done all these things, even if not so well. Ever time I pulled through on something that people thought I'd fail at I felt like I proved that God was with me no matter what people thought about me. I think I was really trying to prove to myself that God was with me no matter what I thought about myself. I guess in the end it all came down to pride.
So here I am feeling like I have nothing left to prove. I have finally came to the realization that no matter who you are or how messed up your life is, God can still use you. Thus, why I am I so surprised that God has used me? As for other people, I don't no why I should care what they think anyway, the people that really matter in my life are going to be there if I fail or succeed, the rest can think about me what they wish.
The problem is that I don't feel like a very good lead pastor now. I don't like preaching, I'm not much of a people person, and I don't have much available time for church things through out the week. I feel like I need more time to straighten everything out, like I'm too young and not experienced enough. Yet, here I am running a church that God placed me over despite myself.
That's the thing that gets me, no matter how much of a mess I might be, it doesn't seem to worry God that much. I don't know if I should be a pastor or not, yet I know God has placed me here for now. So if you'll excuse me, I have a message to write.
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