Spiderman 3 (spoilers)

Me and Tyson watched Spiderman 3 last night. We weren't expecting it to be anything great, but we thought it would at least be a fun flick for a Friday night at home. Oh, we were so wrong. This has been the worst movie I've seen since I couldn't find the remote and ended up watching the Lifetime channel. I swear they must of called Warner Bros. and asked how they ran the first Batman franchise into the ground and took notes. Here are some of my thoughts:

1. There were like eighty super villains. They tried to throw every bad guy they could think of into this movie which left them about 3 minutes of screen time to develop each one's origin and back story and still ended up making a movie that felt five hours long. The alien symbiote (sp?) fell from a meteor next to Peter and Mary Jane making out, went home with peter, and promptly disappeared for the next three hours.

2. The Sandman was created by falling into a molecular particle accelerator that was set up outside in the middle of of forest guarded only by a chain link fence and miraculously being used at 12:30 at night, you know the time all molecular physicists do their best work. Oh, and by the way, it turns out the Sandman was the one who kills Peter's Uncle and not the guy he didn't stop in the first movie, thus making the whole reason Parker became Spiderman a big misunderstanding.

3. Let's talk about Venom for a moment now. The villain everybody wanted to see was played by Topher Grace the only man in Hollywood built more like a girl than Tobey Macguire. This is like the third movie I've seen this guy in and it's the third movie he's revised his role of Eric Forman from That 70's Show. It's just what this movie needed a Venom that looked like a twelve year old girl might defeat him.

4. They continued the tradition of taking off Spiderman's mask evey chance they could so we could see Macguire's face, you know because he's a big time actor and needs his face time. The movie's called Tobeyman right? There's a reason why superheros wear masks and it kinda makes the whole idea of wearing them silly when you take it off in broad daylight in the middle of the city every chance you get.

5. For some reason the Black Spiderman outfit turns people into a dancing goth. Yes, he danced around New York for about twenty minutes of this movie. Yes, he did have to dress up like a 10th grader with social issues during those twenty minutes.

6. That's okay though, because apparently getting hit on the head makes you into a smiley dork who likes to cook and paint, as we see in the case of Osborne. I thought I was watching Joel Olsteen. I forgive him though because I felt sorry for him after his butler decided to tell him Spiderman didn't actually kill his father. This is information that he probably could have used before he spent years of his life trying to kill his best friend while nearly getting himself killed and ending up horribly disfigured.

There's a lot more, but I need to stop thinking about this movie now. Once again Hollywood thinks they can have a sure thing with a superhero movie and decide to throw any crap at us because they know we'll watch it no matter how lame and poorly done it is. They are right.