I feel a little sad today. Kinda like nothing is the way it's supposed to be. I know it has to do with some stuff that is going to go on tomorrow, but everything feels messed up right now. I'm not going back on what I said before, I truly believe that when all is said and done God is going to do something great, but it just sucks knowing that there can be so much darkness between here and there. I know that tomorrow may come and go and everything will be fine, but for how long?
It wouldn't be so bad, but this last half year has been tough. It feels like a part of me died sometime around August and I'm still trying to get it to live again. I might be facing something very huge soon and I don't feel like I have enough strength left to fight anymore. But, I have to fight because there are people who need me and I can't leave them to face these things alone. I'm tired of pretending to be strong. I'm tired of fighting off a thousand demons just to watch ten thousand more coming over the horizon. I want a chance to catch my breath. I want just a little rest.
Yet, I know the darkness can't last forever. I still cling to a grain of hope. I still know I'm right where I'm supposed to be, that's been confirmed to me. There is hope in that. Not much hope, only a fool's hope, yet I'll take it.
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Psalm 27.13-14
I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
This is the scripture the Lord gave to me when Bekah was so ill and we were sure we would lose her. I said good=bye to her many times in my heart and I released her to Him Who loves her so much more than I ever could...and then this verse came my way and I realized that the God I serve is the God of goodness and it is in the land of the living that we see it.
This scripture says that David would have fainted, collapsed, died if he had not believed to SEE THE GOODNESS OF THE LORD IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING... Somehow I started to fight to believe this verse for Rebekah. It became my trumpet and my shelter and the Rock on which I stood. I am not saying that this is what saved her. He saves Whom He saves. But our hopes and also our fears have to be based on the Truth, not on what has happened in the past or what we think will happen...It has to be based on Truth even when it defies all that we know....
Standing with you in the battle...
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