Santa?

Reasons why I've always found it hard to trust Santa Claus:

1. His gloves - The only men that I know that wear white gloves are soldiers and assassins.

2. His Home - This man lives in one of the most secluded areas in the world in a compound with his hired men constantly occupied in his "workshop."

3. His suit - Why is it red? To hide the blood maybe?

4. His hobbies - This is a man that sneaks into peoples' houses while they're asleep with a sack and eats their snack foods and drinks their milk.

5. His social taboos - I was told as a child never to trust a man that wanted me to sit on his lap.

6. His immortality - He's been around before my grandmother was born. How does he live so long? My guess is the blood of the living.

7. His language - Who do you know that says, "Ho Ho Ho" when they laugh? The only people I know besides Santa are pimps.

8. His schedule - What kind of man only comes out on the shortest day of the year and disappears before sunrise. Sounds like a vampire to me.

9. His powers - He sees you when you're sleeping and he knows when you're awake. Be afraid, be very afraid.

10. His fetishes - What type of person wants to put gifts in your socks?