What Women Want

Things that I found most women don't care to receive as Mothers' Day presents:

1. Power tools
2. A subscription to Maxim
3. Vacuums
4. Copier paper
5. Tickets to the tractor pull
6. Donald Duck earrings
7. Flashlights (yet they seem to be okay with candles)
8. Bowling balls
9. Shirts made from hemp
10. Tow chains
11. Pictures of me with my shirt off
12. Cheese wheels
13. Personalized fanny packs
14. Handshakes
15. Weight Watchers gift cards
16. Books about alligators
17. Wooden shoes
18. Velvet paintings of Liberace
19. Anything shaped like a fish and made out of Spam
20. Suspenders