A Father's Advice (Part Two)

Ethan,

I have more bad news. One day some girl will break your heart. I'd like to tell you it might not happen to you, or that if you did everything right you could prevent it. The truth is, I don't think I know a single person who has made it to their mid twenties unscathed. It's just one of those things that is part of life, like old age or paper cuts.

It happened to me when I was eighteen. It feels like you can't breathe, like a major part of you is suddenly missing. It's an ache that you can't place, one that leaves you feeling awkward inside. It's something like paranoia mingled with depression. You want to just sleep, but you can't. You want to think about something else, but you can't. Every day things like eating, getting dressed, or talking become chores. You forget how to laugh. Most of all it feels like the world will never be right again. Something to look forward to, right?

The only way I know how to prevent it is to love absolutely nothing except yourself. C. S. Lewis said that to love anything is to be venerable and the only way to protect your heart from being broken is to bury it in the coffin of your selfishness. Sadly, this is what many people who have their hearts broken choose to do. They may continue to date and eventually marry, but they will never allow themselves to love anyone fully again because they fear the pain.

To be honest I don't want to spare you the pain of heartbreak, because to feel it you must have truly loved someone. What I wish for you is that when heartbreak does occur you take the time to let your heart mend and then use the experience as a reference point for the next time you find yourself falling for someone.

I don't know much more about women other than they smell good and somehow they manage to make men act like idiots, but I do know that there are two types. There are the women that are worth having your heart broken for and there are the ones that are not. If you find yourself with a woman who is not, get away from her for it'll be no great loss. If you find yourself with a women who is worth the risk of feeling all that pain again, then love her with the recklessness with which God loves you. It is no guarantee that she won't break your heart again, but take courage in the fact that there is a word for those who never feel pain. Dead.