Fear vs. Faith

...Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God... (Hebrews 11:16)

Easter is coming. Soon I'll be preaching almost every week. Soon new people will start showing up. Soon there will be volunteers and groups and more decisions to be made. Soon I'll have to start acting like the thing I am, a Lead Pastor. These things don't really scare me. They used to but now it has became kinda of a given fact in my mind that this is what I'm called to do, so I might as well get over my insecurities and get the job done.

I know that hard times will come. I know that if we are doing what we are supposed to be doing we will be attacked and whereas that might not be a comforting thought I can deal with attacks.
I'm not afraid of the church failing, that's in God's hands and I don't think He brought us this far just to leave us stranded. These things are fine and I knew what I signed up for.

The one thing that really does scare me is Hebrews chapter eleven. You get this roll call of great people of faith and then right in the middle you get this half verse that says, Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God. You know what this means? There are people out there that God is ashamed to be identified as being their God.

I grew up with a family that was ashamed of me most of my life. I wasn't the person they wanted me to be, I didn't care about the things they cared about. I wasn't like them.Now that I'm older I see that it was I who should've been ashamed of them, but I remember the feeling. Now, my worst nightmare is to not be the person God wants me to be, to not care about the things He cares about. To not be like Him.

The second thing I fear is letting my friends down. I've mentioned before how God has blessed me by letting me plant this church with my best friends. They are the people that God has given my to keep my sanity intact (what passes for my sanity anyways). They are the most real people I know but at the same time they are the people who would give up anything in service to God. The world isn't worthy of them and yet for some reason they've chosen to follow me on this project. To fail them is not an option.

This is my motivation. These are the reasons why I continued to strive when things looked impossible. This is why no sermon ever feels like it's completely done. For those church planters out there that actually read this, I wish I could tell you that it has always been faith that has gotten me through the hard times in this, but that wouldn't be honest. Sometimes it was fear. The fear of standing before my God one day and saying, "I couldn't", "I wouldn't", or "I'm sorry." The fear of backing down when my friends needed me to be strong, or betraying the trust that people have placed in me for what ever crazy reasons.

Maybe this fear is a kind of faith, or maybe I'm just rationalising. Either way, The Venue is now planted and God has brought me to the place He promised. I'll work out the details as I go.

Oh, and by the way, I still think flying insects are scary too.